caveman status

Wow, its been quite awhile since Ive updated! Thats mostly because things have been pretty busy around here...but I promise--no slacking off on the health & fitness end of things!

I decided to go full paleo, if I havent mentioned that before and Im now going into my 4th week. Its been great...easier than I expected and I feel fantastic. In my second week, I had high hopes of finally breaking through my big barrier (a physical AND mental block) when, much to my surprise, I gained 2lbs in 3 days. It seemed impossible...I hadnt eaten 7000 calories in TOTAL, let alone 7000 calories more than what I burned. I was discouraged and quickly sought out the advice of friends and family...I knew I needed to DO something before I lapsed into weight loss-despair. My cousin suggested carb-cycling to kick start my metabolism, which means that I would alternate between low and high carb days (carbs = fruit). And being the behavior changers and scientists that we are, I thought...why not graph my progress with carb-cycling, go back to my old way of eating, and then try the carb-cycling again...to see the difference it makes? Pretty nerdy right? LOVE IT! Anyway...Im now into week 2 of the carb-cycling and all seems to be going as planned...meaning, my weight is going down. Of course, its not anywhere as quickly as I would like...but I have to remind myself that the Biggest Loser pace of weight loss isnt realistic. Starting next week, I'll go back to my old plan and two weeks after that: carb-cycling again. After that? THAILAND! I will be praying for strength...your prayers would also be appreciated ;)

I also want to share another source of inspiration, deriving from (surprise!): The Biggest Loser. Season 11 winner and runner-up siblings Olivia and Hannah have a website where they talk about their journeys and offer words of wisdom and bits of advice. A couple of their entries have really resonated with me and my current struggles, so I thought it was only fair to pass it on :)

Their website is : myfitspiration.com

lunch time, hunter-gatherer style

Ive been sadly neglecting my lunch menu pictures...but never fear! they have arrived! Im out to prove that paleo doesnt mean pale! or pail ;) haha

Last week's summery salad:

And this week's chicken tacos ;)

I am now into my second (of forever) weeks on my paleo lifestyle and Im loving it :) I dont want for anything...and there are replacements for whatever i could need...even chocolate cake! It feels good and I can see a major difference in the way that I perform. Happy Eating, y'all!

...

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

yum!

So, this is it! the final few days before the big weigh-in. I usually eat a big salad for lunch, with homemade balsamic dressing (equal parts EVOO and balsamic vinegar...or more vinegar if you choose lol...and I do). And even though EVOO is good for you, in limited doses...its high in calories. To switch things up, and use a slightly healthier option, this week Im doing salsa instead! its yummy and salsa has virtually no calories :) Plus, tomatoes are amazing for you and one of the few foods that actually gets better for you the longer its cooked. So, here are some meal pics of my breakfast and lunch this week...

Breakfast...

toasted english muffin with 2 eggs, ham, tomatoes...and a wedge of canteope...yum! 


and Lunch...

haha, the devolution of my salad...which includes black beans (dont tell my paleo friends!), corn, red onion, chicken breast and SALSA!

the final stretch

Awhile back, I set a goal for myself, to be reached by July 1st. Well...that happens to be next week and I am about 4 lbs away from reaching it. I think I can do it...or at least come very close. So my plan is to hit the gym everyday and eat as healthy as I can. I moved my cheat day from Saturday to yesterday ;) and Im not going to weigh in this weekend. Eeek! This goal has been so long in the making that not only can I not believe the deadline is here, but that Im actually close to meeting it!

ghosts of fat past

So.

I found a picture of myself yesterday. From approximately 3 weeks before I started this weight loss journey...and I can barely process what I see. It feels like a punch in the stomach...I want to cry and laugh and scream all at the same time...Im embarrassed of what I looked like, and ashamed not only that I let myself get like that, but that I didnt realize how bad it was. The picture literally makes my blood run cold...I want to stop looking at it, but a part of me cant. The scariest thing is that when I see pictures of me now...its how I imagine i looked then. HOw could I have been so wrong? And am I really ready to share this picture?

This is the first time Ive hesitated to post something on here, even knowing how very limited my limited audience is. Ok, be brave. Here goes...

Ive never felt such self-loathing as I do when I look at these pictures. And the relief of not being that person anymore hasnt sunk in yet. I pray that it does soon...and to help me out, Im going to post a picture from this week ;)

goal-meeting machine!

I did it!! I stuck to my guns, didnt have any treat or snack foods all week...and I lost 5 lbs!! technically, I suppose it was 4.6, but close-e-freaking-nough! 

I actually had a dream last night that the night before I weighed in, I went crazy with food...and in the dream, I felt so disappointed and anxious about weighing in because I knew that it would make a big difference. It must have stayed with me, because I definitely did not want to get out of bed in the morning. But then, when I remembered that I had actually done well yesterday and that it was only a dream...i hopped out of bed in a hurry ;) 

I think I had forgotten what it was like to feel this way...so proud, not just of my accomplishment, but of the discipline it took to meet my goal. Its totally reinforcing, which means, text book-wise,  that my meeting-goals behavior should increase ;) 

release me

I gave up soda at the beginning of all of this...and very rarely does a day go by that I crave a diet coke. I still havent forgotten what it tastes like...ice cold and with free refills. And, of all the treats that Ive indulged in on cheat days, soda has been the only thing Ive avoided. It scares me, honestly...to know how uncontrollably addicted I was...and to wonder how easy it might be to slip right back into it. So anyway...now I drink water. And its not always satisfying (in which, i'll supplement with tea, lemonade, coffee, mineral water, juice...you name it) but Ive become reliant on the way it makes me feel. I notice that when I dont drink enough, i literally feel dry and stiff...like a sponge thats been left on the counter for a few days. Water has become my fuel...though i thank the universe it doesnt cost the same ;)

On an unrelated note...Im in some serious pain here. As I may have mentioned, crossfit is one tough workout (after one tough workout, after one tough workout)...and my body is adapting and changing. Im learning how to care for my muscles in a way I didnt have to before...mostly because when I dont, i feel it...and not AT ALL in a good way. Right now, its my right soleus (sp?) which is in the middle of the middle of my calf and my hamstring. Pain radiates into my knee and ankle and when I bed my knee, i feel like a rubber band is stretched nearly to its limit. To help release this tension, my personal trainer used myofacial release...and I have no idea how to spell it. Anyway...it hurt so damn bad, i cried...It felt better afterward, and it feels better today than it did yesterday...but i have to keep up with the stretching and rolling. All of this has literally become a second job!

Here's a link to the ever-trustworthy wikipedia...what can i say? its quick and easy and it serves my current purpose. Take it with a grain of salt and do some more research if you're interested...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myofascial_release

watch it!

After protesting and stating that its flexible parameters were too strict for my lifestyle, I have swallowed my interfering thoughts and rejoined Weight Watchers. I was worried that the work of calculating points, without the benefit of in-person social praise, would be detrimental to my success...but the truth is that Im actually excited about this. I know that the program works when its used as its intended and there is an online community that I am looking forward to being a part of. Not to mention the lifetime membership when I meet my goal weight ;) I am so reinforced by belonging that this may give me the boost that Ive been looking for.

Weight watchers uses the 5 and 10% markers as big goals during the program...and its weird to me, after having lost 15% of my body weight already, to feel like Im just now starting again...with a 5% goal. I think it really reinforces for me that Im starting the second half of my journey. When this is all said and done, I will have lost 30% of my starting weight, so I suppose its appropriate to have this half way realization now...Im as excited as I am nervous :) There is nothing as reinforcing as meeting goals that you set for yourself, especially when those goals push you beyond your limits...push you to do things you thought possible only in dreams.

Here's a link to an article from WW on the benefits of losing 5%:

http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=85571&sc=3046


Weight watchers has a deal now, if you're interested...whoever you are...I paid only $56 for 3 months :)

i need a raise

Lets play: I have a confession to make....I'll go first.

I havent lost any weight or made a significant change in my measurements...in nearly a month. id like to say that this is a symptom of regulation/habitualization...or possibly a plateau. But then, Id be lying...and not thats not really how I roll.

The last month has been hard.

In the beginning, minor changes (say, cutting out soda) can make a big difference...and you see changes constantly, which for must of us, is reinforcing. But I think there comes a point when the work out-weighs (pun intended?) the results. If I approach this from a behavior analyst POV, its less of a "think" situation and  more of a "know"...its what we call ratio strain....like working 70 hours a week for minimum wage. =/

So...being disciplined is my job...weight loss is my salary...and since I havent been paid much recently, I've been discouraged.

ENOUGH!!!!


This week, Im taking things one day at a time. I know that little cheats (sugar, instant coffee) throw me off track...and I also know that without a reason, beyond the weight loss itself, I wont give a shit. So, I determined a reinforcer and planned my food down to the smallest snack...its making a difference, so far...and Im happy about that :)

mayday!

Last weekend I purchased a scale. This is simultaneously a very smart and very risky thing to do. I now have the luxury of weighing in at home on a consistent scale, which is a beneficial weight loss tool...but I also have thousands of self-destructive opportunities to weigh myself in daily, or more, risking the panic and the despondency of flucuation. Let me give you an example. Yesterday morning, I weighed in (Antecedents: early morning, post bathroom, limited clothing) and was relatively pleased to have lost 2 lbs since my last weigh in. And then I had a cheat day, by which i REFUSE to define myself or my journey, btw...and today, under the same antecedents, I weighed myself in again. Now, before I tell you how that went..let me tell you what i KNOW...a pound equals 3500 calories...and my excess was not greater than 2000. thats a gain of about 2/3's of a pound. So...tell why the scale says i gained 1.6 lbs?! I HAVE NO IDEA!!

But its frustrating. And it would be soooooo easy to lapse into self destruction. Believe me, I want to. Here's what Im telling myself:

1. I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY MISSTEPS
2. I eat healthy because I want to. 
3. This is not the end of the journey........there is no end.



So, I called my cousin...my friend and family in ABA and crossfit and generally, all things healthy ;) And she's so grounded and motivational, that i feel a million times better. There are things that are hard in life...things that scare the heck out of me (success, mainly)...and my cousin tackles all of those things seemingly without fear...and definitely without excuses. So, with her as my example, I march forward...upward and WOD-ward ;)

cross(not so)fit

A couple months ago, I thought to myself, "Erin...you've been working out regularly for the last 4 months...you've pushed yourself nearly to the point of puking on the treadmill. Yes, crossfit will be hard...but I think you can definitely handle it." And only word describes that thought: NAIVE.

;)

take a flying leap...

of faith!

So, I bought a couple new pairs of jeans last week and was pleasantly surprised to fit into a Gap size 10. And when I say "fit" I mean...probably after a few hours loosening up ;) (disclaimer: the 12 was big!) They were on a 2-for sale, so I also bought a size 6...my first pair of goal jeans. Now, here's the thing...the last time I bought a pair of Gap size 10 jeans, I wore them all of 3 times on days where it was cold and i was feeling particularly thin. They didnt fit me for long, thats for sure. And as I bought the new pair, I was thinking that maybe this was a kiss of death to my weight loss. This is the exact place in my previous journeys that Id effed it all up, and its scary to be here again. VERY scary....so much so, in fact, that Im fighting serious self-sabotage at every turn. But anyway...back to the Gap. I decided to buy the jeans (both pairs) because I decided that I was worth believing in. I put faith in myself that this wouldnt be the end of all the work Id put in so far.

And then, I had another realization. When I started in December and into January...it was pretty easy. I got lots of attention from people at work about how I was eating...and I loved telling them "no thank you" to all the snacks and junk that the parents brought it. But that stuff has gone away...and not only is it harder to resist all of the goodies...but its hard to keep up the same exercise routine. Im trying to switch it up and do different stuff, but my motivation to actually BE at the gym? less than ever. So anyway, my realization...the journey isnt supposed to get easier. It doesnt just become a habit and then all I ever want is a nice salad and a long run. No. It was always going to be hard...and this is just the part where I recognize that, step up, push through, and stop making excuses. 4 months into this, and now is the time show how strong I really am.

my trainer is also showing me how strong I am. Thats right, trainer...I finally signed up and got started. Its functional training (training your muscles in movements that mimic natural action) and I LOVE it. I walk out of there on legs of jelly and rarely can I move the next day...but oh well. more about that later! crossfit this weekend!!

First Chance Workout

I bought a direct-from-the-universe-to-me Groupon last week for 4 personal training sessions and 6 passes to a Functional Training gym here in Singapore. I was/am really excited because its a portion of my fitness regime that is sadly lacking. So, I had my first session last night...and damn, that was some hard work! He had me doing these backward crawls, where I put my hands flat on the ground, walk my feet back as far as theyd go, and then walk my hands back towards my feet...and repeat. The hardest exercise we did was near the end...I had to lay on my back with my left arm out at a 45 degree angle, my left leg out straight, my right leg bent and my right arm straight up holding a kettle bell. I then had to roll to one side, lift myself up on one arm, go into a lunge and stand up straight...all while holding the kettle ball directly above my head. OH! and I cant forget the plank rows with 8kg kettle bells, with burpees in between.

When I made my way over to the gym, I was not  motivated in the slightest and I could not foresee that the session would make any difference. But as I was doing the movements, I was pushing myself...and I could tell I was going beyond the trainer's expectations of what I could do on a first day. I guess i had underestimated myself ;) I also had to explain to him everything Id done so far in my quest to be healthy...and i realized just how much I have to be proud of! I push myself in the gym, and never settle...I eat healthy and take supplements...I try to maintain balance and make this work for the long run. And I didnt realize ANY of that until I had to explain it to  my trainer.

So, yes....I feel good. Next session is Tuesday--wish me luck!!

time to bathe

So many things I could say about this week...and how things have been, coming back from my "food vacation." I don't feel like I have the words to put it all out there...I lost some ground; it hasnt been easy...I have the tools to get through this and now i just need to use them....

Confessions of the Overtrained

This week has been rough...dealing with a nearly debilitating moment of depression...made me care a whole lot less about any and all goals I'd ever set forth to achieve. And there were two big contributing factors to it...1. I wear a grossly oversized shirt to work, and then out and about...and it made me feel awful and frumpy :( 2. Even though I tell myself I can eat whatever I want, I had changed that to meet this 4 week weight loss goal and I was really feeling the strain of it. In addition to restricting my food to meet my goal, I also upped my workouts going even harder, for even longer. Simply put, I was exhausted.

So, I weighed in early and didn't even bother with consistency...just went to the scale after a hard workout, and a full day of eating. And  I didn't meet my goal. But! I did lose 7 lbs in 3 1/2 weeks, and I'll take it.

New goal? Every time I weigh in (2x/ month)  I'd like to see a loss. It can be 3 lbs or half a pound...it doesn't matter...so long as its less than the time before. And if, for some reason, that doesn't happen? Oh well....Im removing all deadlines from my journey...its all just one day at a time. 

stressed backwards....

spells DISASTER.

More than any other time, this is when I crave snack food. Whats worse is that I am aware of what Im doing. UGH!

*chants to self* i will NOT give up on my goal for the week, dammit!

Lunch of the Week :)

If this doesnt look like a TON of food, the picture is deceptive! All organic and homemade...heirloom romaine lettuce dressed with balsamic vinaigrette. Topped by cous cous salad that consists of dried cranberries, raisins and pumpkin...with a yogurt mint sauce (low fat plain yogurt with salt, pepper, garlic, dill and mint--to taste). This has to be the best food Ive cooked yet--so good in fact, I may have it again next week. 

Im trying something new this week. I noticed that Im always hungry about an hour and half to two hours after I eat lunch...which has led to unfortunate snacking decisions. And I also noticed that if I eat the same thing for dinner as I had for lunch, then Im still really full when I head to the gym. This kinda sucks because I usually have coffee before the gym and that, on top of dinner, makes me feel kinda gross. So...this week...Im having a big lunch and then when I would normally have dinner, I packed a few rice cakes, an apple and a slice of cheese. This should decrease my overall calorie intake and decrease the yucky feeling :) I'll let you know how it goes! 

chocolate: a weekend of bad decisions

I really made of mess of my goal this weekend...I try really hard not to fill voids with food, and I have other contingencies lined up just in case...shoes, books, groceries, coffee, tv shows, movies...and this week, they all failed...so i turned to comfort food instead. For me, this meant sushi, hummus & chips and chocolate. a bit strange, eh? But anyway...it lasted until Sunday, which included other bad decisions...and I wanted to feel guilty about it, but it was past that...i just felt bad. This is what I realized: my brother is one of most successful people i know, in terms of losing weight and keeping it off. And sometimes he eats food thats bad for him...sometimes he even eats more of it than he should. He doesnt spiral out of control when he makes these decisions...he keeps calm and works out. Perhaps I made it more difficult for myself to reach the 4 week goal Ive set...but I'll still lose weight, and this is process is lifelong. one bad day? chalk it up as a loss and move the hell on.

Now that Ive brought up goals...just another quickie to get me through to the end of the week. I want to have a 1500+ calorie deficit every day this week. There's no reason I cant make it happen--so lets bring it on!

Friday the 10K, i mean...13th...

Last night, instead of my usual 5K, i decided to push and see if I could reach the perceivably unattainable: 10K. Its a goal that I've thought about, in passing...the same way Ive thought about running a half or full marathon...the same way I might think about being the President of the United States. I understood what I would need to do...and knew that if I did those things (training, mostly), that I could reach my goal. But putting that plan into action? Actually accomplishing what felt like a larger-than-life challenge? Scary! 

So, I tricked myself into it. 

I would say...just 10 more minutes, and then we'll decrease the speed. And then the 10 minutes had passed...and i kept going. When I looked at the machine and realized that I was already at 5.3K, I knew that I wanted to be able to say that I had run an entire 10. It was my brain and private events (yay for ABA) that had been stopping me all along. 

and after I was done, i gave myself a figurative pat on the back, limped back to the locker room, downed a coconut water and poured myself into a cab. When i got home, i did everything I possibly could to reduce swelling...2 fish oil capsules, 600mg ib profuen, 500mg excedrin, ice packs, elevation...whatever it took! And it worked--im feeling pretty good today :) 

so whats the next step? 1/2 marathon!! Id actually like to do a half ironman one day, but my fear of swimming in the ocean is interfering...too many years of watching Shark Week ;)

Erin: 1, Cheetos: 0

wait, whats today? Friday? Ok, so...on Wednesday, I ate total crap food. I must have sampled nearly everyone of the bad-for-you-but-tastes-so-good snacks that my supervisor brought back from the Phillipines....this includes, but is not limited to: peanuts adobo and flamin hot cheetos.

After I cleaned the cheeto residue from my fingers, I felt...well, full for starters. And then I felt a little disappointed. Not because I ate the food, necessarily...but because it felt like cheating and something I needed to hide. Im working hard on allowing myself to have whatever foods I feel like I want...and if they're bad, then in moderation. To combat potential bad decisions (man, I must have paid attention in the self management class) I try to a. educate myself by reading the labels and books that explain just why those ingredients are harmful and b. track EVERYTHING. I wear a bodybugg (by 24 hr Fitness) and the purchase came with a subscription to myapex.com. Ive used the website before, when I had a personal trainer @24...but now, its a tool that I rely on heavily.

So...I thought that I failed, and more so...that I CHOSE to fail. But the real truth is, at the end of that day, I still went to bed with a caloric deficit above 1300. That day was a win...for what it taught me about how far I still have to go and for way I was able to stop myself from spiraling out of control after one, less than desirable, decision. I may have chosen to eat a food that is the epitomy of all thats bad, BUT I also chose not to let that moment define me or affect my journey. as Portia would say: POW!

'nough said...

zzzZZZZzzzz

ah, sleep. In my research in how to help my body burn fat...this has been one of the top 3 things most helpful things that Ive learned. Its one of my favorites ;)

top 3 things Ive done/learned to help me reach my goals:

1. SLEEP! for reasons I dont know well enough to repeat, my body needs sleep to recover and release hormones that I need to lose weight. Maybe i dont need as much as I get on the weekends, but well...call me an overachiever ;)

2. Coffee! I drink a tall non-fat capp nearly every day (HATE that its not organic milk) about 45 minutes before working out. Helps reduce muscle fatigue during and after workouts and helps burn fat. side note: beware of drinking too much caffiene

3. walking: Dr. V, a frequent guest on the Jillian Michael's podcast listed a 30 minute walk before or after a meal as THE most important thing you could do to lose weight. Look it up!

I havent done any scientific evaluations or reversal designs to test these things, but I figure since they're reducing my stress level and cant hurt anyway...why not?

It's the thought that counts...

Got to the gym today...stepped on the stair machine. BAM! iTunes deleted all the videos on my phone and I forgot to check before leaving the office. So, did I work out anyway? Join a class where I wouldn't need extra entertainment? Hell no. I straight turned around and walked out. Rationalisations? I'm tired as hell...I have a headache...and I'll meet my burn without it. I'm not thrilled by the situation, the missing videos and my decision...but oh well, tomorrow's another day. It might even be for the best.

And while I'm here...let's talk workouts. I go hard and often, and though I don't know much about fitness...I know that I need to mix things up, get my heart rate up and include strength training. It's the latter point that I'm sorely deficient at. I run intervals Mon/wed a stair/elliptical combo on tues/thurs and Friday is 5K day. When I do intervals, my workout is a lot shorter...mainly because I want to die. I find myself bargaining with my inner monologue..."ok, if you run the rest at 10 Or higher, you can stop at 30. If not, you're going to 35." I could cheat myself...but then I'd just be, well...cheating myself.

I know that I can meet my short term weight loss goals by sticking to this routine (increasing intensity & duration accordingly) but I doubt I'll be as successful in the long term/big picture without strength. Enter: crossfit. If you don't know much about it, you should give it a google ;) I signed up for the classes and I'm hoping to be up and training by the end of May. I'm as excited as I am scared...it's unlike any sport I've ever participated in and it's going to challenge me to the core...literally and figuratively. I have a good feeling. What could possibly be bad about an activity that gives me ans excuse to buy another pair of shoes?! #ridiculous

my first GOAL

My first attempt to set and reach a small term goal was to lose 10lbs in 4 weeks. It works out to 2 1/2 pounds per week...which is a deficit of approximately 1100 calories a day. Thats not too bad, right?

Im two weeks in and slightly ahead of my goal :) The only thing that kills me are Saturdays! Its hard to have a cheat day AND an 1100 calorie deficit lol. I set this goal as a small step between where I was and my next goal: reach the lowest Ive been in recent history...which was almost 3 years ago, at my college graduation. Im SO excited to reach that goal, and I feel like my journey isnt actually beginning until I get there. Up until that point? Its all familiar territory.  So July 1st is the absolute latest day I have to reach that...but, im hoping to be there between mid-May, early June. Once Im there, its no more picture or video chats until my 30th birthday in November. Im going to fly home, get a rental car, dress up and surprise my family and friends. As you might have noticed, Ive watched WAY too much Biggest Loser ;) Im also going to bring empty suitcases and fill them up with a new wardrobe...Im super excited about the whole thing, except of course, about turning 30 ;)  

any excuse to buy new shoes....

I love shoes.

I just cant justify buying them while Im here although believe me, I try. I bought a pair of YSL limited edition pumps and they're UH-mazing...but they're sitting in a box collecting dust, because 1. I cant wear shoes inside and 2. I walk so much between bus stops, train stations and my destinations, that Id prefer just to wear my tennis shoes. So, the gym shoes that I came here with have been the only shoes to see real action. And now, they need replacing...but its not as simple as picking out the pair with the colors I prefer most. At the end of last summer, I went to a running store in NorCal, where my arch and gate were measured and inserts were created specifically for me. From this, I learned what I needed to look for in shoe...stability and cushioning...and it allowed me to ask the sales people better questions, and ultimately find the best shoe for my foot. So, I started by researching online...and then I went into stores and started asking questions like, "I have a falling arch and have been told I need a shoe that offers stability...which one of these will work for me when Im running?" and "is there a brand that will be better?" I felt very informed ;) Truth be told, I just wanted the colors that I liked.

These are what I ended up with!

This is my advice on shoes: be informed. Don't just go with the latest fad or color scheme...and know what shoe is going to be best for you, your foot, and the type of exercise you're going to be doing.

book/movie reviews

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, Ive been trying to educate myself about health and fitness...including what exactly is going on with my food...and how much and in what combination I should be eating. I've looked to other people for suggestions and I would love it if you have something to add or you know of others that I've missed or havent gotten to. Here's a list, with a short review, of the books and movies that Ive read and watched so far.

1. Master Your Metabolism, Jillian Michaels: This book was a great way to start my journey, and I read it...start to finish...in one sitting. I could really relate to the no nonsense terms that Jillian used...and I was appreciative of the simplicity of the plan. Eat organic as often as possible. Eat in moderation and with balance. She talks a lot about the science behind metabolism, which is made up of hormones. I found this book to be an easy to use, parsimonious guide to getting my health back on track.

2. Winning By Losing, Jillian Michaels: Like MYM, this book was a great way to start my weight loss journey from the exercise perspective. It broke everything down into terms I was able to understand and gave me a direction that was rigid enough to give me purpose and flexible enough to allow me to grow into and beyond it.

3. Defense of Food, Michael Pollan: I loved this book for its stance on the western diet and giving me a behind-the-scenes look at the food that appears innocent on the shelf. It helped me understand more of the WHY behind eating organic and gave me a good healthy dose of skepticism at anything with packaging.  Its one downside is that the language is not easily accessible and can be tough. That being said, Pollan's dry humor throughout makes it an enjoyable read.

4. Unlimited, Jillian Michaels: This one is different from the other two, in that it falls into the genre of "self help" as opposed to health and fitness. While, I think they're the same...this one is going to help you figure out the why behind your goals...and help you reach them. You wont hear much about how to work out or eat right...but i found the book as interesting and helpful as the others...

5. Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser: The history in this book is detailed and personal and tracks the larger-than-life fast food empire back to its humble roots. I find it sad and in some ways, shocking, to see this side of the story...I couldnt get enough of this book, and it definitely helped solidify the removal of fast food from my diet.

6. Forks over Knives: The movie speaks heavily to a plant based diet, providing medical evidence of the benefits...which include everything from reversing diabetes & lowering blood pressure to decreasing cancer cells by as much as 100%. I wanted to take the movie at face value and immediately convert to a a vegan diet but without more education, hastiness seemed irresponsible. I thought the movie reaffirmed Michael Pollan's DOF and found the movie interesting and enlightening, even if a drastic change to my diet isnt in the cards.


I have more books on the way--including Organic Manifesto by Maria Rodale, Animal Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, Food Politics by Marion Nestle and Fear of Food by Harvey Levenstein. I'll keep you updated!! Please--if you have suggestions, share them!

love to eat!

I try to eat as organically as possible...and when I cant, I try to make informed decisions. For example...if there arent organic apples available, I know that oranges are a better option because of the rind. Not perfect, by any means...but better. In addition to that, I try to eat a healthy balance of fat, carbs and protein which I give complete credit to Jillian's Master Your Metabolism.

What makes my food life slightly more of a challenge, is that I have limited cooking and storing capabilities. I can use a portion of the owner's refridgerator...and I can cook, so long as I dont make a mess. I try to stick to items I can steam in the microwave at work or portion out of a larger container as the week goes on. Cooking and prepping all my food on sunday...limited space or no...has been a crucial part of my success...

I started taking pictures of my food to share :)

This is organic red quinoa with a vegetable stew (which included: kale, cabbage, zuchini, carrots, celery, onion, and black beans). I put too much chili powder on the vegetables which made the entire meal aversive. I sadly ended up throwing most of it away :( This has been the most filling and lowest calorie meal Ive had since starting. 

Ocean caught salmon steamed in the microwave with salt, pepper and lemon (AMAZING). paired with broccoli :) This tasted AMAZING (as aforementioned) but it left me craving carbs. I supplemented with organic, non GMO rice cakes. Also...that was a LOT of broccoli, which means a LOT of fiber...

all organic: refried black beans, shredded chicken and bean salad with pinto beans, carrots, bell pepper and fresh corn, topped with cheese. On the side, 1/2 serving of tortilla chips and lettuce for taco shells. This tasted like health food...it was good, and I ate most of it...but I didnt do a great job tricking my mind into thinking it was a replacement for old favorites. 

and this week! hard boiled egg, sweet potato (steamed in the microwave) and garbanzo bean salad with tomatoes, zuchini, basil and balsmic vinaigrette. This is a major score, though it may not look like much. It was filling and satisfying and I'll definitely try it, or versions similar, in the future. 

More than you want to breathe...

Anyone who's talked to me recently knows that I've been on a journey to clean up my life and stop making excuses....its a journey that started the day after Christmas and has included gym memberships, change in grocery purchases, loads of education...and a constant search for motivation. Though its been only 3 months so far, I've learned a lot about myself, the food I eat, and the world around me. But I havent done it on my own...The purpose of this blog is to pay it forward...to give you updates, recipes and random tidbits of information that I gather along the way...and if it helps motivate you? Fabulous...and if it doesnt? Well, I hope its at least a good read.

Here's a list of things that have helped motivate me thus far:

1. The Biggest Loser! (and other tv shows): seriously. When I started, I thought to myself: "what would I be doing at home? what would make me choose to be there, instead of at the gym?" The answer was TV. I made a decision to download episodes of my favorite TV shows, and I gave myself access to them at the gym only. Using my behavior analyst tools...I paired a highly preferred reinforcer with an aversive activity, in order to change my behavior. and it worked!! Only now...Im worried that Im going to run out of episodes!!

2. A journal: Whenever I feel like Im losing track of the bigger picture or my goals start to feel really far away, I write it down. Often, when Im writing, Im able to think through the problem and remind myself why I started doing this in the first place. I've found that exercise and losing weight has brought up a lot of issues that I cant hold together in my head...writing them down has helped me organize :)

3. my WHY: I learned this from Jillian Michaels (LOVE her)...I think about WHY im doing this...and not some bullshit, "I want to be healthy" type answer. I have to do this ALL the time. I'll give you an example: Im spending my 30th birthday at Disneyland with my family...and Ive already started planning what I want to wear, how I want to look, and what I want the pictures to look like. When I run on the treadmill, and the 1 minute sprint seems like a miniscule and unimportant step towards that goal, I imagine that Im running towards that person at Disneyland...towards who I want to be. Ive found that this picture doesnt do it for me all the time, so I try to come up with different scenarios...my outfit on the airplane home, New Years Eve, my WWW 10 yr reunion....you name it.

4. Gadgets and Gifts: The portion of my budget that I allot for retail therapy typically goes towards items that I can use at the gym. This includes socks, workout clothes, headphones, water bottles, electronic devices...and recently, a wallet. (ya, i know...its a stretch...but I have to keep my gym pass somewhere and the other gym patrons were surely judging my cheap velcro three-fold with neon "Australia"'s written all over it). I actually havent spent much on these things...but Ive told myself that if I need them, its a nonissue.

What it boils down to, is that there isnt anything I wouldnt do to keep myself motivated. I look for motivational statements on Pinterest...I talk to people about their journey(s)...I listen to podcasts...I read books...I made a vision board...I go shopping online for clothes I'll be able to wear...ANYTHING...

As my brother recently posted on facebook: "Motivation: wanting something more than you want to breathe." Extreme and intense? maybe. guess thats just how we roll ;)