First Chance Workout

I bought a direct-from-the-universe-to-me Groupon last week for 4 personal training sessions and 6 passes to a Functional Training gym here in Singapore. I was/am really excited because its a portion of my fitness regime that is sadly lacking. So, I had my first session last night...and damn, that was some hard work! He had me doing these backward crawls, where I put my hands flat on the ground, walk my feet back as far as theyd go, and then walk my hands back towards my feet...and repeat. The hardest exercise we did was near the end...I had to lay on my back with my left arm out at a 45 degree angle, my left leg out straight, my right leg bent and my right arm straight up holding a kettle bell. I then had to roll to one side, lift myself up on one arm, go into a lunge and stand up straight...all while holding the kettle ball directly above my head. OH! and I cant forget the plank rows with 8kg kettle bells, with burpees in between.

When I made my way over to the gym, I was not  motivated in the slightest and I could not foresee that the session would make any difference. But as I was doing the movements, I was pushing myself...and I could tell I was going beyond the trainer's expectations of what I could do on a first day. I guess i had underestimated myself ;) I also had to explain to him everything Id done so far in my quest to be healthy...and i realized just how much I have to be proud of! I push myself in the gym, and never settle...I eat healthy and take supplements...I try to maintain balance and make this work for the long run. And I didnt realize ANY of that until I had to explain it to  my trainer.

So, yes....I feel good. Next session is Tuesday--wish me luck!!

time to bathe

So many things I could say about this week...and how things have been, coming back from my "food vacation." I don't feel like I have the words to put it all out there...I lost some ground; it hasnt been easy...I have the tools to get through this and now i just need to use them....

Confessions of the Overtrained

This week has been rough...dealing with a nearly debilitating moment of depression...made me care a whole lot less about any and all goals I'd ever set forth to achieve. And there were two big contributing factors to it...1. I wear a grossly oversized shirt to work, and then out and about...and it made me feel awful and frumpy :( 2. Even though I tell myself I can eat whatever I want, I had changed that to meet this 4 week weight loss goal and I was really feeling the strain of it. In addition to restricting my food to meet my goal, I also upped my workouts going even harder, for even longer. Simply put, I was exhausted.

So, I weighed in early and didn't even bother with consistency...just went to the scale after a hard workout, and a full day of eating. And  I didn't meet my goal. But! I did lose 7 lbs in 3 1/2 weeks, and I'll take it.

New goal? Every time I weigh in (2x/ month)  I'd like to see a loss. It can be 3 lbs or half a pound...it doesn't matter...so long as its less than the time before. And if, for some reason, that doesn't happen? Oh well....Im removing all deadlines from my journey...its all just one day at a time. 

stressed backwards....

spells DISASTER.

More than any other time, this is when I crave snack food. Whats worse is that I am aware of what Im doing. UGH!

*chants to self* i will NOT give up on my goal for the week, dammit!

Lunch of the Week :)

If this doesnt look like a TON of food, the picture is deceptive! All organic and homemade...heirloom romaine lettuce dressed with balsamic vinaigrette. Topped by cous cous salad that consists of dried cranberries, raisins and pumpkin...with a yogurt mint sauce (low fat plain yogurt with salt, pepper, garlic, dill and mint--to taste). This has to be the best food Ive cooked yet--so good in fact, I may have it again next week. 

Im trying something new this week. I noticed that Im always hungry about an hour and half to two hours after I eat lunch...which has led to unfortunate snacking decisions. And I also noticed that if I eat the same thing for dinner as I had for lunch, then Im still really full when I head to the gym. This kinda sucks because I usually have coffee before the gym and that, on top of dinner, makes me feel kinda gross. So...this week...Im having a big lunch and then when I would normally have dinner, I packed a few rice cakes, an apple and a slice of cheese. This should decrease my overall calorie intake and decrease the yucky feeling :) I'll let you know how it goes! 

chocolate: a weekend of bad decisions

I really made of mess of my goal this weekend...I try really hard not to fill voids with food, and I have other contingencies lined up just in case...shoes, books, groceries, coffee, tv shows, movies...and this week, they all failed...so i turned to comfort food instead. For me, this meant sushi, hummus & chips and chocolate. a bit strange, eh? But anyway...it lasted until Sunday, which included other bad decisions...and I wanted to feel guilty about it, but it was past that...i just felt bad. This is what I realized: my brother is one of most successful people i know, in terms of losing weight and keeping it off. And sometimes he eats food thats bad for him...sometimes he even eats more of it than he should. He doesnt spiral out of control when he makes these decisions...he keeps calm and works out. Perhaps I made it more difficult for myself to reach the 4 week goal Ive set...but I'll still lose weight, and this is process is lifelong. one bad day? chalk it up as a loss and move the hell on.

Now that Ive brought up goals...just another quickie to get me through to the end of the week. I want to have a 1500+ calorie deficit every day this week. There's no reason I cant make it happen--so lets bring it on!

Friday the 10K, i mean...13th...

Last night, instead of my usual 5K, i decided to push and see if I could reach the perceivably unattainable: 10K. Its a goal that I've thought about, in passing...the same way Ive thought about running a half or full marathon...the same way I might think about being the President of the United States. I understood what I would need to do...and knew that if I did those things (training, mostly), that I could reach my goal. But putting that plan into action? Actually accomplishing what felt like a larger-than-life challenge? Scary! 

So, I tricked myself into it. 

I would say...just 10 more minutes, and then we'll decrease the speed. And then the 10 minutes had passed...and i kept going. When I looked at the machine and realized that I was already at 5.3K, I knew that I wanted to be able to say that I had run an entire 10. It was my brain and private events (yay for ABA) that had been stopping me all along. 

and after I was done, i gave myself a figurative pat on the back, limped back to the locker room, downed a coconut water and poured myself into a cab. When i got home, i did everything I possibly could to reduce swelling...2 fish oil capsules, 600mg ib profuen, 500mg excedrin, ice packs, elevation...whatever it took! And it worked--im feeling pretty good today :) 

so whats the next step? 1/2 marathon!! Id actually like to do a half ironman one day, but my fear of swimming in the ocean is interfering...too many years of watching Shark Week ;)

Erin: 1, Cheetos: 0

wait, whats today? Friday? Ok, so...on Wednesday, I ate total crap food. I must have sampled nearly everyone of the bad-for-you-but-tastes-so-good snacks that my supervisor brought back from the Phillipines....this includes, but is not limited to: peanuts adobo and flamin hot cheetos.

After I cleaned the cheeto residue from my fingers, I felt...well, full for starters. And then I felt a little disappointed. Not because I ate the food, necessarily...but because it felt like cheating and something I needed to hide. Im working hard on allowing myself to have whatever foods I feel like I want...and if they're bad, then in moderation. To combat potential bad decisions (man, I must have paid attention in the self management class) I try to a. educate myself by reading the labels and books that explain just why those ingredients are harmful and b. track EVERYTHING. I wear a bodybugg (by 24 hr Fitness) and the purchase came with a subscription to myapex.com. Ive used the website before, when I had a personal trainer @24...but now, its a tool that I rely on heavily.

So...I thought that I failed, and more so...that I CHOSE to fail. But the real truth is, at the end of that day, I still went to bed with a caloric deficit above 1300. That day was a win...for what it taught me about how far I still have to go and for way I was able to stop myself from spiraling out of control after one, less than desirable, decision. I may have chosen to eat a food that is the epitomy of all thats bad, BUT I also chose not to let that moment define me or affect my journey. as Portia would say: POW!

'nough said...

zzzZZZZzzzz

ah, sleep. In my research in how to help my body burn fat...this has been one of the top 3 things most helpful things that Ive learned. Its one of my favorites ;)

top 3 things Ive done/learned to help me reach my goals:

1. SLEEP! for reasons I dont know well enough to repeat, my body needs sleep to recover and release hormones that I need to lose weight. Maybe i dont need as much as I get on the weekends, but well...call me an overachiever ;)

2. Coffee! I drink a tall non-fat capp nearly every day (HATE that its not organic milk) about 45 minutes before working out. Helps reduce muscle fatigue during and after workouts and helps burn fat. side note: beware of drinking too much caffiene

3. walking: Dr. V, a frequent guest on the Jillian Michael's podcast listed a 30 minute walk before or after a meal as THE most important thing you could do to lose weight. Look it up!

I havent done any scientific evaluations or reversal designs to test these things, but I figure since they're reducing my stress level and cant hurt anyway...why not?

It's the thought that counts...

Got to the gym today...stepped on the stair machine. BAM! iTunes deleted all the videos on my phone and I forgot to check before leaving the office. So, did I work out anyway? Join a class where I wouldn't need extra entertainment? Hell no. I straight turned around and walked out. Rationalisations? I'm tired as hell...I have a headache...and I'll meet my burn without it. I'm not thrilled by the situation, the missing videos and my decision...but oh well, tomorrow's another day. It might even be for the best.

And while I'm here...let's talk workouts. I go hard and often, and though I don't know much about fitness...I know that I need to mix things up, get my heart rate up and include strength training. It's the latter point that I'm sorely deficient at. I run intervals Mon/wed a stair/elliptical combo on tues/thurs and Friday is 5K day. When I do intervals, my workout is a lot shorter...mainly because I want to die. I find myself bargaining with my inner monologue..."ok, if you run the rest at 10 Or higher, you can stop at 30. If not, you're going to 35." I could cheat myself...but then I'd just be, well...cheating myself.

I know that I can meet my short term weight loss goals by sticking to this routine (increasing intensity & duration accordingly) but I doubt I'll be as successful in the long term/big picture without strength. Enter: crossfit. If you don't know much about it, you should give it a google ;) I signed up for the classes and I'm hoping to be up and training by the end of May. I'm as excited as I am scared...it's unlike any sport I've ever participated in and it's going to challenge me to the core...literally and figuratively. I have a good feeling. What could possibly be bad about an activity that gives me ans excuse to buy another pair of shoes?! #ridiculous

my first GOAL

My first attempt to set and reach a small term goal was to lose 10lbs in 4 weeks. It works out to 2 1/2 pounds per week...which is a deficit of approximately 1100 calories a day. Thats not too bad, right?

Im two weeks in and slightly ahead of my goal :) The only thing that kills me are Saturdays! Its hard to have a cheat day AND an 1100 calorie deficit lol. I set this goal as a small step between where I was and my next goal: reach the lowest Ive been in recent history...which was almost 3 years ago, at my college graduation. Im SO excited to reach that goal, and I feel like my journey isnt actually beginning until I get there. Up until that point? Its all familiar territory.  So July 1st is the absolute latest day I have to reach that...but, im hoping to be there between mid-May, early June. Once Im there, its no more picture or video chats until my 30th birthday in November. Im going to fly home, get a rental car, dress up and surprise my family and friends. As you might have noticed, Ive watched WAY too much Biggest Loser ;) Im also going to bring empty suitcases and fill them up with a new wardrobe...Im super excited about the whole thing, except of course, about turning 30 ;)  

any excuse to buy new shoes....

I love shoes.

I just cant justify buying them while Im here although believe me, I try. I bought a pair of YSL limited edition pumps and they're UH-mazing...but they're sitting in a box collecting dust, because 1. I cant wear shoes inside and 2. I walk so much between bus stops, train stations and my destinations, that Id prefer just to wear my tennis shoes. So, the gym shoes that I came here with have been the only shoes to see real action. And now, they need replacing...but its not as simple as picking out the pair with the colors I prefer most. At the end of last summer, I went to a running store in NorCal, where my arch and gate were measured and inserts were created specifically for me. From this, I learned what I needed to look for in shoe...stability and cushioning...and it allowed me to ask the sales people better questions, and ultimately find the best shoe for my foot. So, I started by researching online...and then I went into stores and started asking questions like, "I have a falling arch and have been told I need a shoe that offers stability...which one of these will work for me when Im running?" and "is there a brand that will be better?" I felt very informed ;) Truth be told, I just wanted the colors that I liked.

These are what I ended up with!

This is my advice on shoes: be informed. Don't just go with the latest fad or color scheme...and know what shoe is going to be best for you, your foot, and the type of exercise you're going to be doing.

book/movie reviews

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, Ive been trying to educate myself about health and fitness...including what exactly is going on with my food...and how much and in what combination I should be eating. I've looked to other people for suggestions and I would love it if you have something to add or you know of others that I've missed or havent gotten to. Here's a list, with a short review, of the books and movies that Ive read and watched so far.

1. Master Your Metabolism, Jillian Michaels: This book was a great way to start my journey, and I read it...start to finish...in one sitting. I could really relate to the no nonsense terms that Jillian used...and I was appreciative of the simplicity of the plan. Eat organic as often as possible. Eat in moderation and with balance. She talks a lot about the science behind metabolism, which is made up of hormones. I found this book to be an easy to use, parsimonious guide to getting my health back on track.

2. Winning By Losing, Jillian Michaels: Like MYM, this book was a great way to start my weight loss journey from the exercise perspective. It broke everything down into terms I was able to understand and gave me a direction that was rigid enough to give me purpose and flexible enough to allow me to grow into and beyond it.

3. Defense of Food, Michael Pollan: I loved this book for its stance on the western diet and giving me a behind-the-scenes look at the food that appears innocent on the shelf. It helped me understand more of the WHY behind eating organic and gave me a good healthy dose of skepticism at anything with packaging.  Its one downside is that the language is not easily accessible and can be tough. That being said, Pollan's dry humor throughout makes it an enjoyable read.

4. Unlimited, Jillian Michaels: This one is different from the other two, in that it falls into the genre of "self help" as opposed to health and fitness. While, I think they're the same...this one is going to help you figure out the why behind your goals...and help you reach them. You wont hear much about how to work out or eat right...but i found the book as interesting and helpful as the others...

5. Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser: The history in this book is detailed and personal and tracks the larger-than-life fast food empire back to its humble roots. I find it sad and in some ways, shocking, to see this side of the story...I couldnt get enough of this book, and it definitely helped solidify the removal of fast food from my diet.

6. Forks over Knives: The movie speaks heavily to a plant based diet, providing medical evidence of the benefits...which include everything from reversing diabetes & lowering blood pressure to decreasing cancer cells by as much as 100%. I wanted to take the movie at face value and immediately convert to a a vegan diet but without more education, hastiness seemed irresponsible. I thought the movie reaffirmed Michael Pollan's DOF and found the movie interesting and enlightening, even if a drastic change to my diet isnt in the cards.


I have more books on the way--including Organic Manifesto by Maria Rodale, Animal Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, Food Politics by Marion Nestle and Fear of Food by Harvey Levenstein. I'll keep you updated!! Please--if you have suggestions, share them!

love to eat!

I try to eat as organically as possible...and when I cant, I try to make informed decisions. For example...if there arent organic apples available, I know that oranges are a better option because of the rind. Not perfect, by any means...but better. In addition to that, I try to eat a healthy balance of fat, carbs and protein which I give complete credit to Jillian's Master Your Metabolism.

What makes my food life slightly more of a challenge, is that I have limited cooking and storing capabilities. I can use a portion of the owner's refridgerator...and I can cook, so long as I dont make a mess. I try to stick to items I can steam in the microwave at work or portion out of a larger container as the week goes on. Cooking and prepping all my food on sunday...limited space or no...has been a crucial part of my success...

I started taking pictures of my food to share :)

This is organic red quinoa with a vegetable stew (which included: kale, cabbage, zuchini, carrots, celery, onion, and black beans). I put too much chili powder on the vegetables which made the entire meal aversive. I sadly ended up throwing most of it away :( This has been the most filling and lowest calorie meal Ive had since starting. 

Ocean caught salmon steamed in the microwave with salt, pepper and lemon (AMAZING). paired with broccoli :) This tasted AMAZING (as aforementioned) but it left me craving carbs. I supplemented with organic, non GMO rice cakes. Also...that was a LOT of broccoli, which means a LOT of fiber...

all organic: refried black beans, shredded chicken and bean salad with pinto beans, carrots, bell pepper and fresh corn, topped with cheese. On the side, 1/2 serving of tortilla chips and lettuce for taco shells. This tasted like health food...it was good, and I ate most of it...but I didnt do a great job tricking my mind into thinking it was a replacement for old favorites. 

and this week! hard boiled egg, sweet potato (steamed in the microwave) and garbanzo bean salad with tomatoes, zuchini, basil and balsmic vinaigrette. This is a major score, though it may not look like much. It was filling and satisfying and I'll definitely try it, or versions similar, in the future. 

More than you want to breathe...

Anyone who's talked to me recently knows that I've been on a journey to clean up my life and stop making excuses....its a journey that started the day after Christmas and has included gym memberships, change in grocery purchases, loads of education...and a constant search for motivation. Though its been only 3 months so far, I've learned a lot about myself, the food I eat, and the world around me. But I havent done it on my own...The purpose of this blog is to pay it forward...to give you updates, recipes and random tidbits of information that I gather along the way...and if it helps motivate you? Fabulous...and if it doesnt? Well, I hope its at least a good read.

Here's a list of things that have helped motivate me thus far:

1. The Biggest Loser! (and other tv shows): seriously. When I started, I thought to myself: "what would I be doing at home? what would make me choose to be there, instead of at the gym?" The answer was TV. I made a decision to download episodes of my favorite TV shows, and I gave myself access to them at the gym only. Using my behavior analyst tools...I paired a highly preferred reinforcer with an aversive activity, in order to change my behavior. and it worked!! Only now...Im worried that Im going to run out of episodes!!

2. A journal: Whenever I feel like Im losing track of the bigger picture or my goals start to feel really far away, I write it down. Often, when Im writing, Im able to think through the problem and remind myself why I started doing this in the first place. I've found that exercise and losing weight has brought up a lot of issues that I cant hold together in my head...writing them down has helped me organize :)

3. my WHY: I learned this from Jillian Michaels (LOVE her)...I think about WHY im doing this...and not some bullshit, "I want to be healthy" type answer. I have to do this ALL the time. I'll give you an example: Im spending my 30th birthday at Disneyland with my family...and Ive already started planning what I want to wear, how I want to look, and what I want the pictures to look like. When I run on the treadmill, and the 1 minute sprint seems like a miniscule and unimportant step towards that goal, I imagine that Im running towards that person at Disneyland...towards who I want to be. Ive found that this picture doesnt do it for me all the time, so I try to come up with different scenarios...my outfit on the airplane home, New Years Eve, my WWW 10 yr reunion....you name it.

4. Gadgets and Gifts: The portion of my budget that I allot for retail therapy typically goes towards items that I can use at the gym. This includes socks, workout clothes, headphones, water bottles, electronic devices...and recently, a wallet. (ya, i know...its a stretch...but I have to keep my gym pass somewhere and the other gym patrons were surely judging my cheap velcro three-fold with neon "Australia"'s written all over it). I actually havent spent much on these things...but Ive told myself that if I need them, its a nonissue.

What it boils down to, is that there isnt anything I wouldnt do to keep myself motivated. I look for motivational statements on Pinterest...I talk to people about their journey(s)...I listen to podcasts...I read books...I made a vision board...I go shopping online for clothes I'll be able to wear...ANYTHING...

As my brother recently posted on facebook: "Motivation: wanting something more than you want to breathe." Extreme and intense? maybe. guess thats just how we roll ;)