take a flying leap...

of faith!

So, I bought a couple new pairs of jeans last week and was pleasantly surprised to fit into a Gap size 10. And when I say "fit" I mean...probably after a few hours loosening up ;) (disclaimer: the 12 was big!) They were on a 2-for sale, so I also bought a size 6...my first pair of goal jeans. Now, here's the thing...the last time I bought a pair of Gap size 10 jeans, I wore them all of 3 times on days where it was cold and i was feeling particularly thin. They didnt fit me for long, thats for sure. And as I bought the new pair, I was thinking that maybe this was a kiss of death to my weight loss. This is the exact place in my previous journeys that Id effed it all up, and its scary to be here again. VERY scary....so much so, in fact, that Im fighting serious self-sabotage at every turn. But anyway...back to the Gap. I decided to buy the jeans (both pairs) because I decided that I was worth believing in. I put faith in myself that this wouldnt be the end of all the work Id put in so far.

And then, I had another realization. When I started in December and into January...it was pretty easy. I got lots of attention from people at work about how I was eating...and I loved telling them "no thank you" to all the snacks and junk that the parents brought it. But that stuff has gone away...and not only is it harder to resist all of the goodies...but its hard to keep up the same exercise routine. Im trying to switch it up and do different stuff, but my motivation to actually BE at the gym? less than ever. So anyway, my realization...the journey isnt supposed to get easier. It doesnt just become a habit and then all I ever want is a nice salad and a long run. No. It was always going to be hard...and this is just the part where I recognize that, step up, push through, and stop making excuses. 4 months into this, and now is the time show how strong I really am.

my trainer is also showing me how strong I am. Thats right, trainer...I finally signed up and got started. Its functional training (training your muscles in movements that mimic natural action) and I LOVE it. I walk out of there on legs of jelly and rarely can I move the next day...but oh well. more about that later! crossfit this weekend!!